Ugly, or: Misunderstood


The Skeptic's Kaddish 🇮🇱

Poetry Partners #93

‘An Ugly Poem’, by Amelia Michelle Nicol of ‘And Or Theory’

Far too philosophical and just Lacking imagery Overlapping or side by side, intertwined emphasis, color, leading lines, rules of thirds lists of negatives, another light dodging or burning art and beauty, the disturbing the differences, the uncertain certitude, fortitude, beauty and the ultimate objective good Seeking, seeking, wandering excitability and extremes anti-art longing for the simplicity of beauty of something to be beheld treasured, of that which cannot be mistaken: beautiful. free will in observation, attention taken away, taken apart Of all there is to seek beauty and the Great Beyond reconciling irreconcilable inferences art for the sake of art itself beauty and the divine something entirely beyond us also being with us Wants and needs, investments and future impressions of poverty and the fears of wanting, needing delinquency, fervor, indecisive instruments, machinery, conveyance longing beyond…

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The distance beyond thought and the differences in attention, the works and talents afforded according to nature or the actuality of practical and practice, the applicant value of any amount of gradient or potential doesn’t concern me, the actuality of reality, place, space and privacy does. The immediacy of proximity and the ease of guessing at repetition: similar instancing and entrapment, especially in the refusal to believe? These supposed facts of proximity, participation and paradox limits challenges and values in shallow assurances of coincident don’t actually make sense. Beyond that, are a confiscation of privacy and personal space, and have no place. The shapeliness beyond words, these letters of assurance and the bends and curves of indicative within mind, the ways in which language has spelled us, movement and pacing indicatives of breath, these hollow vessels breathing timing and attention. The figures of daylight conditioning the relentless framework of wobble and turning axis, the distances could imagine timing, too, but these predispositions of shapeliness, were they harnessed in the length of a breath or the formulate of a word? What dust particle clung to a shape in mind to form a letter or word without? Particles of shapeliness caught in chambers to electrify to chemical form, these densities and pressures of space, motion and shapeliness besides time and space: distances like chemotaxis, Zeeman, the figures of absolved limits and absolute boundaries of interest, the guardrail figures of distances for slowing down, for stillness, for silence and actual clarity with no background. No light or dark, no prism of color, actual clarity. Water. A snowflake. Actual clarity in nature, actual stillness and that which is beyond form or thought, the conditions of impression or expression and the ways in which environment and predispositions in gradient potentials reform and converse actuality to perspective sense. According to each, and each to their own, patterns in nature and the need for deviation, for random chaotic reformations of past data, to do something differently…with all the same matter. No matter what. For the day when everything has actually been said, or the day when something new could actually be muttered. Exactitude in timing and the indicative weight of attention or excitement, any meaning cause or reason could be applied and seem to work well enough, perspective bias will never disappear. The fact that nothing is ever going to be new does not mean we could ever learn everything or know it all: constant change. The constant. is. Change. The distances beyond exactitude and the differences in ambiguity and unknowing. The distinction of reference and the need for the actuality of difference in the assumptions of knowledge and timing, especially. Referent unknowing and the need for real and accurate information, if the referent information is timed according to another diadem, the differences met with could symbolize anything according to that diadem, and could pretend to be reasonable. If it works…it doesn’t make it real, actual, or fact. It means that it could fit a diadem for a short enough or long enough time period to seem to make sense. But really, it just doesn’t. Synesthesia, the ways in which senses could be intertwined, perspective assurances of assumption and the actuality of perspective in biological sense and behavior. Perspective is easy to skew, the need for information reliability remains and the actuality of attention or excitement isn’t decidable to outside perspective. Water falling off the roof, splashes to puddles beneath the Elder Berry, washes these flat orange rocks beneath clean into the mud, the tops of them all shiny. It sounds like something I’ve drunk before, but something so much like water that it has no taste. It couldn’t be this same water, falling to the ground from the rooftop, it must have been something I heard, something I heard about…it fills me up. Imagined an abyss, that could fill with something, but that must have already been filled up. Down.

There’s plenty of give and take.

Inventions of timing, the conditions of interest and the attentive nature of any amount of environment, that which seems to interact or that which becomes background or scenery, props and the investments of surroundings. These figures of indicative and the movement of events, the ways in which an object can shift an entire story or interest in an entire room. The attentive value of any amount of space or the conditions of wonderment in the focus or focal of environment or interest: the irregularity of sightliness and the need for asymmetrical alignment. Quadrants or sixths, these lenses of angular flipping motions and motif, the movement in mind turned upside-down, optical chasms of possibilities and the comfort of thinking there is an absolute seat or placement of something. (Why it is so necessary to understand it is A unified field theory, and will never be ‘the’). The chair Boethius sat in must exist, must have this placement and value of time and space, must tell itself and if imagined hard enough, must be the one he was also imagining: the ridiculousness of assumptions upon mental and imaginary event based on environmental constructs is obvious. Without a homeland, no semi-colons and no place in particular for the imagination to rest or live or reside. Free thought, home-bound conceptualizations of attentive nature and the conditions of notice, expectations of impression or expression and the need for information reliability against over-arching metaphor and capsizing grandeur. Differences between ‘environment’ and private space, presence in environment and the separations of individual: the sense necessary to perspective and the divinations between that which is becoming of me and that which is surrounding me. The indicative sense in making myself with the objects I experience, and the need to be myself instead of thinking I’m something made by my environment is also part of the radical acceptance in behavioral American dialectics that accepts that I cannot change nor really control my environment, but I can definitely change myself and my own behaviors. I do not create nor control the environment around me for the most part, and the environment around me equally cannot create or control me. There’s plenty of give and take.



Investments of time and space, the conditions of movement and the actuality of rates of passage. The measureless distances of work or workmanship, intellectual property and intellectual freedom. The need for thoughtlessness, nothingness, the consistency of timing and the fruition of excitements and their derivative possibilities. Deciding use or belonging based on timing or elsewise is a horrible confusion of space and privacy, the needed break between piece rate works and the idea of being used for time is a necessary distinction to recognize. Time is not a commodity, I am not a commodity. Is it easier to think you can use people as commodities if you think you can own or share their time or timing? Happenstance, chance and the ways in which fabricative coincidence for guessing games of similar instancing could create any amount of supposed connectivity. Supposed exacted-ness in the delinquency of supposed chance and the volatility of change, formulaic and repetitive writings and the ambiguity of validity. The need for focus, discernment and information reliability are nothing new, and the mediums of separation between reality and virtual reality are becoming less and less stable, and less and less workable. The confusions in physiological response created by imaginal space are many, the differences in actuality and that which is imaginary or mental event that could easily be attached to reality through the constructs of cognition. A coincidence doesn’t need to make sense to anyone but you, there is no collective or elsewise that can decide the absolute meaning of the perspective necessary to noticing coincidence, or adding meaning or intention. Trying to possess others coincident to my own imagination does not mean conducive construct of actuality or reality. I could hear something in the woods and feel something completely different from anyone else around me, the feelings possibly produced by my imagination constructing possibilities of what (it) could be do not effect or affect me even as much as the adrenaline and catacholamines necessary to the response that’s probably already taken place by the time I’m imagining it. The secrets of imagining events or people into your life and etcetera are very shallow and tend to decide connectivity and continuation of events with very little actual information or fact, and the connections they assume and call forth are usually very opportune ones, and usually based on wealth. If I’m ambiguous enough in imagining what I want, any number of people or instances could tend to supposedly prove me correct: to think you could have that much control, power or ‘force’ over the environment and others is actually a negation of individualism. Especially when you consider how many others must be expected to operate in a way that would be conducive to whatever you think you want or need, that you are calling upon or trying to manifest. Manifest your own destiny or manifest God’s destiny: nature is exacting, God is in control.

Instinct & Imagination

above picture from the Library of Congress online catalog.

Disarray, the delinquency of daylight or the bending forms of natural saturation in sightliness, the certitude of angling that could account for any amount of interest or investment, the decisions that are already made, this thoughtlessness, contingent on some form of inspiration or impressions and expressions: the tether or the root, the same origins of anything easily enough understood or misconstrued. The will of the observer in the decision making process of the belonging in mental and imaginary event. The distances beyond any and the differences in the significance of any particular symbol or role, dividends of sufficiency or conveyances of inadequacy, the impertinence of uncanny minuteness and the dodging of portrait immanence. These snakes in my hair, staring at these mirrors, pausing and catch framing these fragments of decisions or possibilities in language, catching out statuesque grandeur or still life assumptions of anything. Distant figures of thought, these immediacies of expression and the simultaneity of the frequencies of imagination and common cultural norms. So much common structure to reaction and action, that does not necessitate the use of the idea in function. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction, not necessarily any function (indeterminable data: not. for. use). Disproportionate improbabilities of conditioning and the referent tasks of memory or what’s really attached to environment, these attitudes or assumptions of over arching metaphor, the distal invocations of wanted distance or the distances imagined for the source-less electric and imaginal space. These weightless improbabilities of change and chance, the volatile nature of indeterminable data, the space beyond spaciousness and the will of mindfulness in excitability or attention: blood brain barriers and the salt water brine of shores within mind, these romantic beaches to tell of other dimensions, hinting at that which is forever beyond us, this want to course through or portion sense around these ideas, this horrible chewing noise compared with the silence of meditative conditions. The vanity in describing that which is beyond description, silence clarity and stillness, these fearless curiosities that cannot be settled or the need for ontological peace when there is no peace. The connectivity of ideas and the non-congruence of asymmetrical figures of concentration or the wanted need for separations from reality. The ambiguity of validity and the concentration of focal devoid patterning in continuer or the parable and paradigm, (paradox) beyond the ease of shallow similarity. That which connects my inner gnosis to outer knowledge, instinct and imagination, why should I be able to imagine what could be coming up behind me in the woods? The catecholamines necessary to react have already caused one by the time I have imagined exactly what it could be. How many times a bear in the woods was really a house cat. Physiological response caused by imagination and imaginal space created by physiological response. Definitive reality and the perspective sense of conditioning and attention, repetitions of formulaic investments in language and the ritual and routine of breaking apart newness. Cation, a stop region at the end of an RNA strand, non-sense regions that metachromatic granules pick up after, the immediacy of chaos in thought and the ways in which organization of cognitive information takes place: the place values of probable or possible chance or happenstance in ambiguity and the oblivion of obviousness. An idea, sends random, chaotic splatter patterns of possibilities and organizes itself eventually to the common structures and knowledge already present. (Data as nutrients) Gradient potentials in action and the affordance structures of the cognitive economy of rapid solution. Wait, this random junk so easily discarded, the leftover parts that meant a wholeness no one ever needed to pay any attention to, pause and silence, the need for slowness and patience in decision making process and critical thinking. First thoughts bested by the need for analyzing, unafraid of uncertainty, wandering lost and hopeful, these findings of abstract and conceptual want to study and analyze, taken for some form of separation or experimentation: accidental declarations of probability and the abstracted sense of conceptuality.

somewhere in my mind

a blank stare

cautionary wonderment

conditions these risk assessments

decisions already confounded and made

impossible all over again.

Dirt & Grime

Race Car Driver Joan Newton Cuneo, seated in a racing car (LOC)

Dirt and Grime

Outlines of process gone

     working parts of structure

the malleable nature of framing time

     dirt and grime

the ways of turning

     torque, pressure, alignment

sparks lit, quickly extinguished

     hear them hit concrete

suddenly die out

     throwing light all over

barely missing my face, hands

     every part exposed

showered in dull pin pricks

     contained splatter, shards of illumination

glowing brightness against this

     rusty clunker unmoving

sits to display

     now having new paint

conditions of movement

     skeletal remains of possibility

waiting for a certain spark

     other working parts to plug

and carry along

     long gone memories:

this outline and a grinder

     imagining something working